the howls of the loons scampering in my brains beside with the spirit of emotional breakdown. the loons are looney while all everyone cares about is money, so i start my day and walk down one way........ to my office.
so that i can make money.
and what do i do with it?
i think i buy beer.
there is a big lake in bangalore. i think its called the lake of discarded dreams and disillusioned souls. its difficult to drown in this lake, you just become overwhelmed by the density of it all. all your friends are shadows on that wall that you face all day while father time beheads those who stand in line behind you. your turn will come and ALL the money in the world will not save you.
MG Road bustles behind me. While jokes are exchanged around me. I feel lost.
Wish I was in Tibet, far away from everyone. What is it about a cold inhospitable plateau that conjures up a sense of restlessness inside me. Macchu-Picchu or Tawang, the highlands of Central Asia, is it the solitude that these places offer that draw my thoughts to them.
Am I tired of my life as it is right now? I m scared to say so but I think yes. I m tired of this organized chaos that I go through everyday. I'm tired of looking forward to things that I know will not last forever.
the loons howl. like a candle's flame i flicker and dance to the whimsical breath of destiny. some here some there but in the end nowhere. A fools dance... i learnt it somewhere. was it the greeks or the trojans?
does it matter?
Lunch time draws closer. And for a moment I ll be hunched over a menu card and then I will decide to have what I've been having all this time. My life is so predictable. The usual talk, and maybe a small walk ( I doubt it though for it does not look like the sun is in an appeasing mood today ) I don't smoke anymore so that's one less thing to do and more time on my hands. Time to do nothing.
And then an afternoon that will break me further into smaller little pieces. Hell has to be a very boring place I believe, for boredom is the worst feeling. Heartbreak is bad, Grief is bad and Anger can be dangerous. But boredom makes you dead. And my life right now, bores me. Am I dead?
So someone please take me far away, for I'm a tired soul. Maybe someone will. How about tomorrow?
2:45pm....... I actually did end up going out.
